Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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