I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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