Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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