dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
