They should really pass out barf bags in church
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
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