She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
