Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I am midnight drunk by noon
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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