Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
