Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
