How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize