Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
