Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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