yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
