Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
My vagina is officially offended.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
