My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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