My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize