I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize