so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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