The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
high people should be assigned attendants
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
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