good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
