and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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