I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize