You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
