Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
My life is pants optional.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
