dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
You took a bar mat shot.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
