So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
