omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize