im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
