we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
