you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
