this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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