I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Randomize
