OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
My vagina just recognized that song.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
