I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
