Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
