i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I can't turn off my feet"
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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