so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
