On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
