3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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