I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
