I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
