I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I think people are normalizing furries
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
