He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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