singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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