One girl and one boy is just not enough.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize