Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
