Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
