Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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