i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize