i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
