If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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