I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I think I won the penis lottery.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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