Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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