listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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