I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Randomize