but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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