i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Randomize
