I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
