I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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