She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
