At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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