margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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