Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
