Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
