You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
