I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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